A man with a hole in the bottom of his shoe is "down to earth."
Q. Why do they call it "PMS?"
A. Because "Stark Raving Mad" is taken.
A. Because "Stark Raving Mad" is taken.
Q. Did you hear the "sidewalk" joke?
A. It's all over town.
Growing up, I was so skinny that I could turn sideways and disappear. Even David Copperfield offered me work.
You may be a redneck if you consider Hefty Trash Bags as the best alterative to vehicle glass replacement.
I work for the IRS for three days before quitting. The work was too taxing.
I had nightmares about "speed bumps," but I got over them.
My wife must be dead. The sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up.
Q. Did you hear the joke about the leech?
A. It sucked.
A. It sucked.
I like dating homeless women. I can drop them off anyplace.
To his disappointment, Short John's new clothing line, thermal underwear, was a dismal failure.
Q. What's a midget's favorite cake?
A. Shortcake.
A. Shortcake.
I went to the zoo and saw a loaf of bread in a cage.
The zookeeper said it was "bread in captivity."
Do microwave ovens ever break? I have one so old that it has Roman numerals.
I'm a horse groomer. It doesn't pay much, but at least it's a stable job.
It was so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
When I was born, the delivery room doctor slapped my mother.
Money talks. It says "goodbye" repeatedly.
Patient: "Doctor, my wife is a "dominatrix."
Doctor: "What are the symptoms?"
Doctor: "What are the symptoms?"
Patient: "Beats me!"
Yo momma is so ugly that "Jason" now wears a blindfold instead of a hockey mask.
Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans.
I purchased "deer nuts" at the dollar store. They were under a buck.
I take my wife everywhere. She keeps finding her way back.
Man who sniff butt get high on crack.
I'm not sure what the "I" and the "R" stand for, but I'm pretty certain that the "S" stands for "Satan."
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
You may be a redneck if your girlfriend has a better mustache that you do.
What do atheists scream when making love?
Yo mamma is so dumb that she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
My wife tinted her hair. It was her highlight of the day.
Man who overdoses on Viagra die hard.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Yo momma is so dumb that she sold her car for gas money.
My wife wanted to eat somewhere "new." I showed her the kitchen.
I'm so poor that if you saw me kicking a trash can, I would be moving.
Q. How does every dirty joke start?
A. By looking over your shoulder.
A. By looking over your shoulder.
I got fired from the candle factory because I refused to work wick ends.
With careful planning and preparation, I like to be spontaneous.
*One-liners and short jokes, old and new, are presented to a diverse demographic audience of FACEBOOK users. Their replies, non-replies, and comments to each joke are recorded, tabulated, and statistically scored. Scores are inputted in a scientifically formulated algorithm that rates each joke as Liked or Loved, or neither. Presented here are the best of each.
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